Saturday, May 21, 2011


Commitment is one of the major things in life with which I've always struggled. I don’t know the root of my struggle with commitment (at this point in my life.) I had a decent childhood so there is no traumatic event to trace it to or anything of that nature, but I’m not here to psychoanalyze myself. A friend of mine blatantly told me once when I was about to back out on a commitment, “You need to learn dedication.” As jovial as he meant it, the words pierced my heart and gave me a huge reality check. I have never made a life-long commitment in my entire life. I’ve never been married or have children for that matter, so that kind of commitment is out of the question. Yes, I am a Christian. Yes, that is a life-long commitment. But let’s be honest here, I don’t think I’m the only one who has ever flip flopped on my relationship with Christ. I’ve told myself numerous times that I won’t allow myself to have an up and down relationship with Jesus anymore….yet it happens- time and time again. But the reality is that as long as I’m living in this sinful world, it is going to happen. Sin is the ever-constant divide between my Lord and me. I have an unaltered relationship with God, through Christ because of His work on the cross, yet sin is still present and still separates. Growing up, I had this picture of salvation as this “get out of Hell free” card. I went to the alter when I was 6 years old to get saved because I didn’t want to burn for eternity (what my 6 year old mind could comprehend eternity was). Yet, in this ever-growing relationship that I have with Jesus (since I was truly saved at 10), I’m even more grateful for my salvation because I have learned that not only am I not going to burn (HUGE plus, lol), but the main reason I’m saved today is because I have unity with my Father through Jesus Christ. While we are in a sinful world, I’m still able to throw my hands up and shout, “I Surrender!” When life gets me bogged down and I go astray, I can still say, “Forgive me Father.” No, being a Christian isn’t always pretty and I’m not perfect, but I know that He won’t let me go too far without bringing me back into His loving arms. “We know that ALL things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.”- Romans 8:28